Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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