i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
