someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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