while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
