Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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