Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
