Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
