He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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