just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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