Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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