I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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