Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My feet surprised me
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