I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize