I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
