I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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