it was like his penis was on wheels.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
