Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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