OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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