Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
