I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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