I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
