You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
