My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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