You just made me feel so damn special
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
