i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
