They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
