yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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