I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
