it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
