I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
