Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
