Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
