I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
