dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
