but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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