just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
