You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Randomize
