ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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