I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
