Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Randomize
