I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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