I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
