I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
