I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
