it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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