i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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