I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
