we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
