so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
