This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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