and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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