Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Please, let me fuck your mom
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
